Lazy Love

I used to think I was really good at loving people.  Then I realized that the fact that I thought that, proves that I don't love people well enough, and that even if I do love them, perhaps I'm not loving them always for the right reasons.

Loving others is the best thing we can do for this world, and yet I fail to really love people to the best of my ability.  It's one thing to say I love people... it's a whole different thing to actually put those words into action.

Words without action to back them are just words.  And words spoken with no action hurt people. 

I tend to do that a lot.  I know it's important to love others, and deep down I know I do.  But I'm getting lazy.

I'm really lazy with my love, and I don't like it.  That's not who I want to be, and it's definitely not who I was created to be.

So I've been trying to figure out why I'm so lax on loving other people these days, and it all points to one thing... I'M WAY TOO FOCUSED ON ME!

It seems the more I worry about myself; the more I wonder how others are viewing me; the more I focus on my problems; the more I do for myself ...... the less I think about others.  

And though I know it's good to take care of yourself, I think you can take care of yourself too much to the point that you're not only not caring for others but you're neglecting your true needs as well.  When we don't focus on others and love others, in some way that means we're not loving ourselves as well as we should.

Focusing on myself doesn't make me happy.  End of story.  There's more to my life than me, and it makes me sad to think of all the opportunities I've missed recently when I could have been pouring love into someone's life instead of drowning in my own self-pity.

I need to smile more, and not just to those I know, but to those in the market and on the street.

I need to be more willing to sacrifice what I want so others can have what they need.

I need to get back to the root of it all.  It's not all about me.  My purpose in life isn't to stand in the middle while everyone loves and adores me and takes care of me.  My purpose in life is to love others and serve.

And what a great purpose that is.

 

C.S. Lewis had it right!

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”  CS. Lewis

I love this quote.  It's quite possibly my favorite quote of all quotes out there.  I've always viewed the word "vulnerable" as bad, something to avoid.  When I saw it in the context that C.S. Lewis was talking about, I began to question if vulnerability is really all that bad.


To be vulnerable means you're putting yourself out there.  Open.  Transparent.  Bare.  It means you can hide behind nothing, subject to either acceptance or ridicule.  Being vulnerable means you aren't in control of the situation and circumstances can easily change.  


But isn't love like that?  


How can you properly love people if you're so afraid of being disappointed that you never open up to them?


How can your love change lives if you're so afraid of getting hurt that you never take chances?


It can't.


We really do have only two choices when it comes to love.  We can love with all our hearts, realizing that it might hurt, OR we can not love.


When we love someone, I mean, when we really love, our barriers come down as we offer everything we have to the other person.  When we really love, we take the chance of getting hurt.


And sometimes love does hurt.  But ultimately, love is about other people.  If you love only so you can be loved, then how pure is your love?  


I know it's scary to love at times, but the idea of avoiding love is much scarier to me.  


I've just got to take that risk because I know love is worth it.  I know other people are worth it.  Love isn't about me --- it's about everyone else.  

New Beginnings

Change is complicated.  It is good.  It's hard.  Change is scary and exciting and stressful.  It's necessary and at times seems impossible.  Sometimes it's hurtful and confusing. Often it finds us praying our lives could be like they used to be.

Sometimes we ache for change.  Sometimes we dread it.  Sometimes we go looking for change, and sometimes it goes looking for us.  

Change is inevitable.

Moving away from everything I have ever known was a big change for me.

A new home.  A new job.  A new state.  A new church.  A new way of living.  A lot of change.  

The dynamics of my relationships have changed.  I'm closer to my boyfriend Ben, which is amazing and such a blessing; but I'm much further from my family and friends, which is difficult and lonely at times.  

It's the little things that make me sad sometimes - I can't come home and give my niece Amelia a kiss hello; I can't take my niece Zoey to church; I can't have sleepovers with my nephew Wyatt.  I can't go shopping with my sister or go see my parents and grandparents on Sunday afternoons.  I can't go to church and be surrounded by those who I've known and loved for so long.  

And it hurts.  

A few times I've wondered if I've made the right decision moving two states away to go to school and be with Ben.  I've questioned if it was too big of a move.

But it doesn't take long to remember all that I've gained.  A new learning experience, a new way of life, new opportunities, a new part of a relationship.  And it's worth it.  

The change hurts, but it's also healing me.  I'm stronger now than I was a few weeks ago, and it feels amazing.  I'm excited to see where my life goes, and I know that this won't be my last big change.  More will come.

I want this blog site to be used as a way to keep in touch with those I love.  I want you all to know where I'm at in life and what I'm doing.  Hopefully I can write on here often.

I love you all and miss you!
Laura